Before I got behind the wheel of a tractor trailer, I was an “office” person. I had no idea, which is the case with the majority of office workers, just what the life of a truck driver was like. Life on the road was a complete mystery to me. My parents raised me and guided me toward an education to do something entirely different, but for a bunch of reasons, it just didn’t work out.
I have tried to leave two separate lives, one, my on the road persona and the other, somewhat of an adventurer, a renaissance man if you will, that tried to shed all evidence of “truck driver” when I was home. But alas, that became increasingly difficult as I transformed into a “beefier” – more manly bearded man, even more of a pessimist and my wardrobe merged from Brooks Brothers to Dickies. The trucker part won, so wherever I seem to go, I now, unfortunately in the public eye, look like a damn trucker. But, there is one thing that I refuse to compromise about – I have never been to and never intend to go to a “jamboree".
Just what the heck is a “jamboree” anyway. It sounds very “boy scout-ish”. I’m sorry, but the boy scouts – not so much the girl scouts – are a little creepy to me. All those “boys” with older men in little shorts camping in the forest with their tents, merit badges – trying to start fires by rubbing things together. Creepy. The girl scouts get a pass because they bake cookies and probably do “girly” things like crafts and learn how be like Sara Palin. One thing is for sure, especially during the summer months, boy scouts go to these things called jamborees.
Never having “experienced” one, I looked it up. I should say that growing up in New York City, I never heard of a jamboree. The trucker in me wondered if it was anything like a “hoot ‘n anny". Webster’s defines a jamboree as (1) a noisy or unrestrained carouse. A carouse? I had to look that up as well. I know what it is to carouse, but what is a carouse? If you’re keeping score here, it is both a verb and a noun. Have I lost you? Sorry. A carouse is a noisy, lively drinking party. Gee, that sound’s good. Is that what the boy scouts do when their off in the woods, jamboree-ing? I don’t think so.
Ah-ha, here we go (definition 2) in the dictionary says, a “national or international camping assembly of BOY SCOUTS! I knew it. I went over to the girl scouts website and found no mention of a jamboree. Go figure. The ladies are too busy pushing their new iPhone girl scout cookie app to bother with a jamboree. We all know women are smarter than men. What the heck do the boy scouts sell? Anyway, I’m getting way off track here.
The reason I bring this whole jamboree stuff to your attention is that this July 14-15th, at the Iowa 80 truck stop – exit 284 off I-80, will be, taa-daa, the 32nd Wolcott Trucker JAMBOREE! Listen to this – there will be 175 exhibits, a “super” truck beauty contest, an antique truck display, an Iowa pork chop cookout, trucker Olympics and (according to the press release) loads of fun! 30,000 people – fun-seekers – are expected to attend.
One of the best parts, I hear – well – I really didn’t, but I’m trying to sell this thing, I mean jamboree, is that thanks to Mobil Delvac – I’ve always preferred Shell Rotella – Marty Robbins, sorry, I mean, Marty Stuart, will be performing. I’m so exciting, I can hardly type this. I don’t see it in their PR piece, but I’m sure there will be something there about NASCAR as well as chew’n tobacco manufacturers displays (and samples) – there just has to be!
No disrespect, but while I think it’s awesome that Iowa 80 is doing this to thank the truckers of America for working their posteriors off for bubkas – that’s NYC for lousy pay and no overtime – I will, once again, sadly pass on the festivities. It has nothing to do with the fact that I can’t drive now because of the whole knee thing, or that it’s being held on a Thursday and Friday – not on the weekend. No, it’s because the last few “strands” of non-trucker in me, will just never, ever, let me go to a jamboree. I’ll just have to go on living without the antique truck display and the pork chop cookout. I’ll leave it all to the boy scouts, I mean truckers, who like that kind of stuff.
For more details go here: http://iowa80truckstop.com/trucker-jamboree/ – look at “dem” white boots!
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